Kunming: Pre-tragedy

Popcorn Kelly!

So let's rewind to before Kristen lost her entire life.

Kristen and I got to the airport to leave for our trip pretty early, so while people-watching (one of my absolute favorite and most entertaining hobbies here in China), I saw a man wearing a ridiculous hat. To my delight, he was walking towards our gate. A bit later, this man walked right up to us and (in Chinese) asked for a picture with us. Yessssssssssss. So we had a "conversation" with him (he only spoke Chinese, we only spoke English), and although I have no idea what he said, it was quite obvious that he was only talking to Kristen. (Side note: Chinese people are absolutely fascinated by blond hair). The guy asked for her phone number, and when Kristen lied and said she did not have a phone, he was nice enough to give her his number. I was meanwhile trying not to lose it imagining how this phone conversation would go, seeing as they probably have about 10 words in common in their vocabularies.

So we got to Kunming pretty late and find a place for food. And boy, did we walk into the right place. The decorations were Hollywood themed, and all the waiters were decked out in cowboy outfits. Wow, feels just like being back in the good ole U.S. of A. It got even better - there was a stage in the middle where a guy was seemingly performing Chinese stand-up comedy, which was apparently a huge hit judging by all the laughter. Then we tried to order dinner, but all they had was snack stuff. So as we were about to get up, the table next to us sent us over a round of Coors Light (with ice in it). They toasted us and said "gambei", which means everyone finishes his or her drink and they immediately filled our glasses again. They then moved their table right on next to ours, and ordered us a plate full of watermelon. Yep, the bar served watermelon. Kristen and I sat there, drinking Coors Light with ice in it, eating watermelon, watching Chinese stand-up with our new found Chinese friends, thinking life could not get more ridiculous.

Well, then a man in a pink, popped-collar polo and his friend came to say hi to us. They brought over an entire bottle of red wine for us, and ordered plates of banana chips, what looked like steroidal sunflower seeds, and chicken feet (yes, CHICKEN FEET) for us to eat while trying to talk to us despite us speaking different languages and trying to talk over the Chinese comedian. The two things I inferred from this short conversation: 1) His name was Pu, and 2) He also wanted Kristen's phone number. Man, Kristen was a huge hit in Kunming! After that the manager came and joined our table too, sitting right on down next to Kristen (surprise!) and since he actually spoke English, he was a very nice addition to this ridiculous group of (now drunk) Chinese people.

So we sat there, having paid for nothing, drinking the Coors Light and red wine being constantly refilled in front of us and eating the Chinese' weird idea of bar food absolutely loving life, watching ridiculous Chinese entertainment. This vacation was going to be nothing but fun, right?
WRONG. Popcorn Kristen.